The Best and Worst Sci-Fi TV Show Openings (Part 2)
Check out the 10 Best.
The 10 Worst
10.
"Land of Lost" (1974-77)No, this isn’t on the “worst” list for the silly “special effects,” or for the dialogue during the giant dinosaur puppet attack. (“C’mon, let’s get out of here!” ORLY? You’re not going to stick around and become Tyrannosaurus food?) No, it’s the song. The lyrics are okay, explaining what plot the show had to impressionable Gen X kids. But the music? Yee-haw! I reckon’ it’s a hoe down! Grab a jug of moonshine, Cletus, and we’s gonna go bugger us some Sleestaks!
(Oh, and if you never understood why Will Ferrell's character in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" was named Marshall Willenholly -- now you do.)
9.
"Manimal" (1983)Once I had this weird dream. I turned into that pretty British man from “Falcon Crest.” Everything was strange colors, and I was attacked by a bird and a cougar. It was so dramatic! Then suddenly I was in a wacky romantic comedy with that nurse from “St. Elsewhere!” Wha--? What happened to the bird/cat guy? Why am I standing around with my bi-racial posse, cracking wise and sharing a hearty laugh? Wasn’t there something about vertebrate polymorphism? Now some wacky woman is stepping on my foot! HA! A passing car just sprayed us with water! HA! Oh ho ho, my sides are splitting! And then… then I fell asleep and had the dream. (Stay tuned after the credits for an expository monologue so long I never made it all the way through).
8.
"The Bionic Woman" (1976-78)Despite its flaws, “The Bionic Woman” was a much better show than its progenitor, “The Six Million Dollar Man.” For one thing, Lindsay Wagner is STILL hot – I’ll climb into her Sleep Number bed any time. Also, she never ever befriended Bigfoot. But the opening sequence is just a lame attempt to rehash the “Six Million” credits, and it fails utterly. There’s too much reading; and is that the only photo of Wagner the producers could find? And why do the credits emphasize Jaimie Sommers’ teaching career, and Oscar’s unrequited love for her? She’s a freakin’ superpowered crime-fighting robot who works for a super-secret spy agency! Her opening credits shouldn’t look like a douche commercial.
7.
"Xena: Warrior Princess" (1995-2001)“Xena” and “Hercules” were good shows. Either you “got” it, or you didn’t. I wasn’t a huge fan, but I got it. And no one expects a show this bi-polar to have a brilliant credits sequence. Let’s review the charges. (1) Bagpipe music? Okay, this show could never quite decide where or when it took place. But I’m pretty damn sure it’s not in medieval Scotland. (2) It’s got a terrible expository monologue. Like we even need one -- “it’s a chick in a steel bikini” would cover it. The monologue is read by that “In a world…” movie preview guy. It goes on and on and on. We don’t get facts about the characters and plot, just the kind of vapid marketing-speak you would expect in a movie trailer. “A mighty princess forged in the heat of battle?” That’s not even a real metaphor. Seriously, all we needed was some generically exciting music and clips of two ancient Mediterranean lesbians kicking ass.
6.
"Charmed" (1998-2006)How dare you motherfuckers ruin The Smiths’ “How Soon Is Now?” How DARE you? I won’t even start in on the cheap-ass visuals – ooh! Somebody took a class in After Effects! No, I can’t get past the music thing. I’m too angry. I need to go calm down. How many lives will Shannen Doherty ruin?
5.
"Babylon 5" (1994-1998)There are two kinds of sci-fi fans who just can’t shut up about their favorite show. Browncoats are pathetic because, while “Firefly” is one of the best series ever made, there are only 14 episodes (and a movie). B5 fans are pathetic because, while they have 110 episodes comprising a complete story arc, every single episode sucks.
Each season of B5 had a different opening, but each was as bad as the last. Longest expository dialogue ever. Longest credits ever (must have saved on episode costs, just like the cheap CG and the cheap “sets”). “The name of the place… is Babylon 5!” Yaaaawn.
4.
"V" (1984-85)Marc “BeastMaster” Singer takes out a reptilian evil alien baddie – with his genitals. And that’s the best part of this cheese-ridden opening, an 80s-era Supercuts ad scored with the “space music” setting on a Casio.
(Anyone notice the weird overlap between the "V" opening and the "Firefly" opening? Spooky.)
3.
"Battlestar Galactica" (2003, 2004-present)Possibly the Best Science Fiction Show Ever, and its here in the “Worst” list. Why? Is it the music? No, the original American theme, Bear McCreary’s "Two Funerals," was just fine; the new theme from the British version is even better. Is it the clips from the miniseries? No, they’re fine. The lame expository subtitles? (You know, “The Cylons were created by man…” blah blah.) Nah, they’re useless, but not really annoying. Maybe there’s not enough Grace Park? True, the titles need more Grace Park. But that’s not the problem. Then what’s wrong? I’ll tell you what the frack is wrong. Each episode beings with 30 seconds of clips from the episode itself. Brief images designed to tease? No. SPOILERS. There is not an episode of BSG that has not had some big dramatic turn ruined by the opening spoilers. Ron, buddy, listen – if I’m watching the opening credits, I’m already watching the show. You don’t have to sell me. BSG is clever and fast-paced, full of unforeseeable twists and turns – unforeseeable, that is, if you close your eyes during the opening titles. Otherwise, you’re screwed. The fans have been complaining about this for two seasons, Ron. Cut it out. Oh, and we want more Grace Park. Maybe a spin-off series where Boomer discovers a planet of sexy Amazons and opens a lingerie store.
2.
"Cleopatra 2525" (2000-2001)Before this article went to press, I ran my choices past my friend Paul. After hearing my “worst” choice, all he had to say was, what about “Cleopatra 2525?” I have never watched the show; but I trust his opinion, so I checked it out.
Oh. My. God.
That’s "Firefly" star and Mrs. Laurence Fishburne, Gina Torres! What the hell??? Is that her impersonating Geoffrey (“Crisp and clean! No caffeine!”) Holder in the expository monologue? And let’s talk about this song for a moment. Zager & Evans’ 1969 “hit” “In the Year 2525” was craptastic enough without this histrionic cover with the cutesy lyrics. Yeah, take a crappy show with crappy effects and crappy costumes, and add a crappy monologue and a crappy cover of a crappy song, and know what you get? Crap. (By the way, for 60 seconds of fun, check out the opening to “Cleopatra’s” “sibling” show, "Jack of All Trades." We love you, Bruce Campbell!)
1.
"Enterprise" (2001-2005)Worst sci-fi show of all time? Of course not – that was "Small Wonder. But “Enterprise” was a close second. Tragically, the opening credits for this show were visually brilliant – a nifty little history of humanity’s exploratory spirit. So why is this one of the worst openings of all time? That song – OH GOD THAT SONG. Please, give me something sharp to dig through my ocular cavity and into my brain, until all memory of it is gone. (Although you have to admit, the "Mirror" opening is pretty cool.)
Labels: battlestar galactica, fantasy, firefly, science fiction, serenity, star trek, television
posted by Sauron at 2:21 PM
103 Comments:
Enterprise's Mirror opening could have made the top 10 on the good list.
The "Enterprise" theme song always makes me want to punch myself in the balls, because that would be less painful than actually hearing the song. Luckily, I have a TiVo.
:)
What, no 'UFO' on the 10 best? You'll never forget the UFO theme music once you hear it.
I always thought that Mark Singer was the younger brother of the guy who played Ogre in the "Revenge of the Nerds" movies....guess not.
Great list and a fun visit to the past. I had almost forgotten "Small Wonder". Curse you. Curse you to HELL, Mr. Even...
What, no Blake's 7? The show with a budget so small that the spaceship flying towards us during the opening credits is a two-dimensional cardboard cutout?
Good list(s), but I've got to disagree with you on the Battlestar Galactica "clips." I love it. It's like a quick teaser for the episode. I know, I know, I'm already sitting watching the episode, they don't have to sell it to me. But the clips show you the strangest and/or most exciting parts, and the fun is seeing how they get there.
"What? She shoots the Admiral??!? But, but, what?"
"Shut up and watch!"
I love it.
K
Funny thing was, I remember reading Brandon Braga (I think it was) saying that though people complained the first year, they'd stopped by the second. His implication: people had gotten used to it or realized it wasn't so bad.
His ego was so misaligned that he didn't realize it was because people had stopped watching.
t's been a long road,
To get from there to here.
It's been a long time,
but my time is finally here.
And I can feel a change
in the wind right now.
Nothing's in my way.
And they're not gonna
hold me down no more.
No they're not gonna hold me down.
'Cause I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart
will take me.
I've got faith to believe.
I can do anything.
I've got strength of the soul.
And no one's going to bend
or break me.
I can reach any star.
I've got faith,
I've got faith,
Faith of the heart.
It's been a long night,
Trying to find my way.
Been thru the darkness,
Now I finally have my day.
And I will see my dream
come alive at last.
I will touch the sky.
And they're not gonna hold
me down no more.
No they're not gonna change
my mind.
'Cause I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart
will take me.
I've got faith to believe.
I can do anything.
I've got strength of the soul.
And no one's going to bend
or break me.
I can reach any star.
I've got faith,
Faith of the heart.
I know the wind's so cold,
I've seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel,
Are only winds of change.
I've been thru the fire,
And I've been thru the rain,
But I'll be fine.
'Cause I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart
will take me.
I've got faith to believe.
I can do anything.
I've got strength of the soul.
And no one's going to bend
or break me.
I can reach any star.
'Cause I've got faith,
'Cause I've got faith,
Faith of the heart...
Faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart
will take me.
I've got faith to believe.
And no one's going to bend
or break me.
I can reach any star.
'Cause I've got faith,
'Cause I've got faith,
Faith of the heart...
When Enterprise was new and UPN was actively promoting it, it always used the song "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling instead of the piece of crap it went with instead. I always wondered why they didn't go with the Calling song.
Xena and bagpipes- The scots have the great highland pipes, the irish have uilleann pipes, spaniards the gaita, same for poles, egyptians, greeks, northumbrians, bulgarians... you get the picture.
Every bagpipe in the world is not scottish and used to squeeze out "amazing grace" during, say, one of the mind-numbingly hideous sequels(there are better words than sequel that could be used here...) to the first "Highlander" film.
But I digress- the pipes in the Xena intro are NOT highland pipes.(I play the pipes, trust me on this.)
They are bulgarian or some funky greek sheep/goat skin pipe.
Other than that, babes like that in leather armor? The show would be perfect even without things like "plot" or "writing."
All it needs is beer.
P.S.- the song from "enterprise", reason I could not watch the show. I had to pour bleach into my ears the first time I heard it.
The Enterprise Mirror episodes were the best. I think there were two? Anyway, they should have done a whole mirror season. THAT would have brought people in. We get it that Vulcans are asexual, and the Federation is always trying to do the right thing. How about some dirty Vulcan on Klingon sex, and some gratuitous violence with no socialy redeaming mesage what.so.ever!
What did they expect from the Enterprise theme song. It's a forgotten track from the "Patch Adams" soundtrack! (I wish I was kidding!)
Shouldn't that have been enough to veto it's use on Enterprise?
I have to say, your picks for both list are clearly on target.
Actually, there was a special two part episode, combining the $ix Million Dollar Man and the Bionic WOman, the end of which showed Jaime giving Bigfoot "a big bionic hug." Sorry to spoil your illusion. . .
I believe the bagpipe music for the Xena opening is meant to conjure images of Bulgaria (the woman is singing in Bulgarian and bagpipes are not uncommon to Bulgarian folk music.) Xena was meant to be a Thracian, which just so happens to be modern-day Bulgaria.
Still a terrible opening though.
Totally agree with your #1 pick. When the show first began, I watched it with two other Trek fans. We all retched. Then we had a contest: each of us would find an alternative soundtrack to play over the opening credits the following week (with the TV muted). The winner was Elton John's "Rocket Man." Seriously, give it a try; it syncs up pretty well. Or if you don't like that, try our first runner-up, Rob D's "Clubbed to Death" (which you can find on the Matrix soundtrack).
And then the whole project turned out to be pointless, because the show sucked almost as much as its theme song.
you forgot far out space nuts
Say what you will about the opening monologue, the season 4 credits for Babylon 5 were thrilling. Of course, I'm a big fan of the show, so I'm biased.
Yeah the enterprise song... I wondered originally why I started watching ent, and it was because of that Calling song, I couldnt get it out of my head at the time.
Ironically, the enterprise theme is actually a pretty good song, imo. It's sorta inspiring, it's a nice tune. And enterprise did not live up to it. That was my problem. If the show was about a struggle to get off the ground, even figuratively (which, lets face it, even the pilot was only vaguely about that) then maybe, MAYBE vocals in a star trek credits would have worked... but.... *shudder*.
wow what an incredible douche you are. b5s season 3 credits blow away anything TREKBOY
The B5 credits for season 4 were best. Ivanova's voice saying that the 'last, best chance for peace' failed. The music was more dynamic, too.
As for BSGs opening, well -- I have to disagree. Not only is the opening music awesome, but seeing the last weeks' carnage reflected in the survivor numbers and some teasers to heighten the excitement make it a great lead-in to the show. The opening makes you excited to see the episode, no matter what you were thinking before it. And at least it's different every time.
Hey - you left out "Red Dwarf" - it was in a dialect of English. Best or worst? No comment because I happened to like "Cleopatra 2525"
I lie, it was the Season 3 opening that was great. She also doesn't say, "The name of the place is...", she simply says, "The place: Babylon 5", which definitely flows better.
Season 4 had a crappy opening.
I'd put Season 3 on the top 10 list, and Season 4 on the worst 10 list.
Oh dear Christ. I laughed so freaking hard while reading this that I woke up my breastfeeding daughter. I think I have to go read this whole thing again (minus the offspring).
Regarding "Enterprise".... Don't forget that OH GOD THAT SONG was "touched up" at some point during the series. It was originally a kind of slow ballad, then around season 2-3 they added a little bouncy extra beat to it. The only thing it succeeded in doing was making a bad theme song worse.
you tear down BSG for having the "spoilers" yet space:1999 has the same feature, with a cheesy "THIS EPISODE" flashing inbetween the clips of the show to come.
i dont particularly like the haunting vocals over the bsg opening credits, but the music during the "spoiler" section is awesome.
OMG, *THANK YOU* for calling out the BSG tribal-drum-solo-uber-spoiler-montage. After being burned by the goddamn parade of spoilers that kicks off every episode, I simply started closing my eyes during it. I don't care who I'm watching with or how much they mock me, I refuse to invest my time in this show that I love, only to have the episode ruined by the teaser clips. The opening as a whole is great, but please let them do away with the clip montage once and for all.
The Space: 1999 intros use the same device of flashing clips of the episode. Ron Moore actually admitted in a podcast of borrowing the idea for the Galactica intros.
Which season of Babylon 5 did you not like? Each season was a different opening with different music. I liked season 2 best, followed by season 3 and then the closing theme.
Good list. Glad Land of the Lost was covered.
Gonna disagree with the Babylon 5, but hey... your site, your opinion!
Enterprise is #1 on my worst list. blech.
but you don't have my #2
The Lost Saucer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRF2zxx3gV4
Your list blows. BLOWS HARD. Both lists. The thing about lists, see, is you try to provide an all-around list. If it's just YOUR list, call it YOUR LIST. Your tastes don't run the mainstream, so the only people who are going to agree with you are the minority that actually agree with you, and people who want to kiss your butt and not have their comment deleted.
Great to see your opinion. I don't agree with it. The fact that it made Fark is sickening. Enjoy your 15 ms of fame.
Boy you almost had credibility until you dissed B5.
That show required intelligence to get so I guess I’m not surprised you missed it.
Next time you watch a show try not to feed you face every second, and you might "get it"
Babylon 5 was our last, best hope for peace. "We failed."
And you dare review SciFi.
Website has been FARK'ed, and most of us over there, TotalFarkers and PartialFarkers, think your choices are substandard at best.
While I'm totally with you on "Enterprise" (that song makes me wanna shove ice picks in my ears) and "Cleopatra 2525" (I couldn't even get through the opening on YouTube), you blew it on "Babylon 5". It's arguably the best science fiction series ever aired; the new "Battlestar Galactica" is giving it a run for its money, and the last season of B5 was a bit hit-and-miss. But as others have said, you are entitled to your opinions - your sad, horribly misguided opinions.
Are you kidding me? How could the Great Hasselhoff and his sarcastic car KITT be left off of the ten best list? That song is still my ringtone (and personal theme song).
In regards to Worst #3:
You, sir, are a genius.
Yes, the spoilers suck.
Yes, we DEFINITELY need more Grace Park.
And YES, I'd be happy with a spinoff of nothing but the Boomer-model cylon beach party.
Okay... Does anyone have a copy of Nightmare on Elm Street II? I'm pretty sure the song playing during the end credits is the EXACT same song as the Enterprise theme music. I don't think they even modified it in the first season. I seem to recall it being the same voice. I could be wrong on the movie, but I'm pretty sure it was Nightmare... II. It was definitely an 80s horror flick whatever it was.
As a hard core Star Trek fan, I totally agree with you about Enterprise. Eventually I just stopped watching the show (which is amazing for me) because I couldn't stand that awful song, and the show wasn't that great anyway.
I probably watched more DS9 than Enterprise, and I have long held the opinion that DS9 was largely crap. Some nice shows sprinkled in, good character acting, but ultimately boring. I mean when your competition is "boldly going where no one has gone before" how can "boldy waiting for someone to come through the door" stack up?
As far as B5 goes, I watched so little of that I couldn't comment on the theme and opener. I got together with friends and watched the very first episode. Oy vey. After that abortion was over we switched it off and said to each other "maybe it will get better."
Since then I've watched a few episodes here and there, but it never thrilled me, so I never followed the story.
Folks are right, the Buck Rogers in the Spandex Century opener was pretty dismal. You should check that out.
Regarding Firefly. Look, it was okay. It wasn't great it was okay. The battle of Serenity Valley as portrayed in episode 1 was appallingly bad. But I stuck with it because it looked like it had potential. After four or five episodes it became very clear that I was watching a cowboy western set in outer space. I'm not a big fan of westerns, and I despise country music, so the theme song doesn't do anything for me. I liked the characters in the show, and I did watch all the episodes. I liked the movie even better.
That said, this was a fun read. Oh and for the FARKers complaining that these are just "your opinions"--NO DUH. Who else's opinions would they be?
B5 is one of the best series ever, bar none.
As for the new BSG?
Gregg Easterbrook says it best:
"Viewers love the new "reimagined" "Battlestar Galactica," the highest-rated sci-fi series on TV. Critics love "Galactica" too, the Chicago Tribune recently calling it "the best show on television." Viewers seem to like that "Galactica" isn't formulaic sci-fi where justice always prevails and incredibly complex devices can be invented in minutes. Critics seem to like that "Galactica" is dark and depressing, depicting optimism as futile and life as barely worth living. That life is barely worth living is certainly the regnant worldview of modern academia -- strange that a sci-fi series about space battles should be this trendy view's main expression in popular culture.
TMQ's core problem with "Battlestar Galactica" is that the people of the show's imaginary space society are incredibly stupid. True, there are lots of stupid people on Earth, so presumably there would be stupid people on the opposite side of the galaxy. And folly is, inarguably, a grand theme of history. But practically everyone in "Galactica" is so astonishingly falling-down dumb, it's hard to care about their fates: And this is setting aside how, if they're so stupid, they were able to construct enormous faster-than-light starcruisers.
In the pilot for "Galactica," a society spanning 12 planets is threatened by a race of living machines called Cylons. The machines are known to sabotage computer systems. Yet all defense systems on all 12 worlds, along with all military spacecraft, have a common password. A human scientist named Baltar unwittingly gives the password to a Cylon; the Cylons transmit a computer virus containing the code; all humanity's military systems stop working; the planets are helpless against the attack that follows. Now, do you suppose there is one single password that controls every device in the American military? We'd be idiots to engineer such a code, exactly because it might fall into the wrong hands. Yet on "Galactica" not only can every defensive system built by humanity be remotely deactivated, the information necessary to do this has been placed in the hands of a mentally unstable scientist. This is one stupid society we've got here. (Two gigantic space battleships did not receive the deactivation transmission and are protecting humanity's survivors, creating the premise of the series.)
The author James Blish has said that much of sci-fi relies on Idiot Plots, defined as stories "kept in motion solely by virtue of the fact that everybody involved is an idiot." (See the entry on Idiot Plots in the 2005 edition of the "Greenwood Encyclopedia of Science Fiction and Fantasy," said entry by Official Brother Neil Easterbrook of Texas Christian University.) Consider a brief rundown of "Galactica" stupidity as exemplified by the character Baltar, named after the traitor of the original 1970s series. Baltar escapes the Cylon invasion and becomes a trusted science advisor to the remaining human leadership. No one in military intelligence seems struck by the fact that all the defensive systems turned themselves off precisely at the moment of the attack, nor wonders whether this might have had something to do with Baltar, who possessed the code. Baltar rises to become vice president in the survivors' government. He obtains high position though he often speaks, aloud, to a Cylon avatar that manifests in his consciousness. That is -- the other characters hear Baltar talking to a Cylon, yet are too stupid to think anything of it.
In the final few episodes of the recently concluded season, Idiot Plots drove the action. Baltar is assigned to interrogate a Cylon spy and instead helps her escape, killing a guard in the process. No one suspects Baltar, though he and the guard were the sole people with the Cylon and though, presumably, faster-than-light starcruisers would have video monitors in their detention cells. Baltar claims he can build a Cylon detector, but needs plutonium for the device. Rather than supply Baltar with a vial of plutonium the fleet's leader, Admiral Adama, gives him a complete working nuclear warhead, which Baltar is allowed to keep in his cabin. The dialogue reduced to its Idiot Plot essence:
SCIENTIST: I need some plutonium.
IDIOT: Here, take this complete working nuclear warhead.
Baltar hands over the nuclear warhead to the Cylon spy; she detonates the device, destroying several spaceships and killing hundreds of people. Nuclear explosions have distinctive spectral characteristics that would have allowed Galactica's technicians to determine that the bomb that just exploded was one of theirs. Yet with the fleet in turmoil owing to a nuclear explosion in its midst and one warhead missing from the armory, no one asks Baltar to prove he still has his bomb. By the end of the recently concluded season, Baltar has been elected president of the survivors' government. He orders that humanity's remnant stop fleeing the Cylons, settle on an undefended planet and essentially decommission their space warships. Everyone is too stupid to question this order, which OBVIOUSLY leaves the survivors helpless against another Cylon attack, which happens in the season finale. "Kept in motion solely by virtue of the fact that everybody involved is an idiot," indeed."
Um, I love BSG, but... yeah. I have to admit, the charge of "idiocy" sticks.
Boomer is still hot, though.
I found the Enterprise theme spirit-lifting and a welcome departure from the Christmas music that permeated every other Star Trek show. The show was meant to be closer to our time and show the evolution of the Federation... I think if the show had gone through seven years that the opening would have evolved as well. I hear the negativity towards the theme from the fans, and I guess I can say that I understand that it doesn't fit in with the Star Trek mold... but to me, that was a good thing. Star Trek had gotten so stale to me that different was good. I think if the show had delivered week after week then the complaints of the theme would've gone away. I was pretty disappointed that they changed the theme in season two, because season one had a perfect synchronicity between the visuals and the audio. It had that heart-stopping moment towards the end just like the Lion King's opening song has as Simba is lifted towards the sky. Season two eliminated that. Oh well, I don't expect to change any minds, but thank you for letting me express my opinion.
I wonder who the genius was who said, "I know, there's this sappy Rod Stewart song from the 'Patch Adams' soundtrack. Let's get a ROD STEWART IMPERSONATOR to re-record it for our theme!".
Although it doesn't qualify as a theme song, there was an episode or two of the Six-Mil/Bionic Woman crossover saga where Lee Majors (as Steve Austin) actually sings a love song to "Jaime."
Pure gold.
Gotta love how Gina Torres made it on both lists. Yes indeed.
Eiggh... I can only disagree with having Babylon 5 on the list. While overly long the expository dialogue on seasons 2-4 was thoroughly enjoyable.
I can understand why many people didn't like the show though. The entire thing was planned out from the beginning and executed as one continuous piece. This made it much harder to watch single isolated episodes without any knowledge of the show. It really didn't help that the first season really did have crappy effects and alot of weaker episodes.
don't forget
Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_keJc8EqU0
I found the Enterprise theme to be enjoyable, but the show itself was incredible. I think people have been watching too many reality series if they think that Enterprise sucked. I still haven't seen anything better since they cancelled it, it's just that everyone would rather watch Survivor or American Idol because then you don't have to think a whit about what you're seeing.
YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON WITH BSG! MY WIFE AND I ACTUALLY COVER OUR EYES FOR THAT 5 SECONDS OF SPOILERS!!!
Don't forget about the terrible SciFi opener for Earth 2 (the show which guest starred Tim Curry for a few episodes and had Antonia Sabato Jr.). Loved the show, hated that damn intro. Not just boring, but it had bad effects and equally bad music.
We watch both Enterprise and BSG2 on DVD and we always skip over the "E" theme song and the BSG spoilers! Right on.
FWIW we think Enterprise was a good show trying (and failing) to be a great one. BSG2 is a great show masquerading as a good one.
And I've never heard the term "browncoats," but Firefly was a great show, period. It changed the way sci-fi is done. You like those exciting hand held/zoom space exterior shots on BSG? Thank Firefly. And bring it back while you're at it.
The Enterprise themesong WAS totally unforgiveable. That entire intor should have been scrapped in favour of a slo-mo montage of clips from the famous "Hoshi and T'Pol oil each other up with decontamination gel" scene, while an simple audio track of Linda Park and Jolene Blalock moaning accompanied. But Berman and Braga are too big a group of douches to do something that mind-alteringly awesome.
The Enterprise themesong WAS totally unforgiveable. That entire intor should have been scrapped in favour of a slo-mo montage of clips from the famous "Hoshi and T'Pol oil each other up with decontamination gel" scene, while an simple audio track of Linda Park and Jolene Blalock moaning accompanied. But Berman and Braga are too big a group of douches to do something that mind-alteringly awesome.
Oh - and totally agree: Babylon 5 was total crap.
I like Love Spit Love's version of "How Soon Is Now". I thought it an excellent remake.
Not that it ever needed a remake, but as one, it's not bad.
It was good enough for "The Craft", it was good enough for "Charmed."
Sean.
I remember the first time I heard the Enterprise theme, at the shows premire. When it started with that spare, folksy opening I thought "This is different. This could be good." And it was good, for several seconds. Until the POWER CHORD. My heart sank. The show did not help it recover. Eventually, I guess, you just run out of good ideas for shows.
Great list. Seeing Land of the Lost alone is worth it.
You're right about Babylon 5. It stank. You're also right about its fans. The comment list and Jr. High language and attitudes prove your case.
This is the worst top10 list I have seen in some time. BSG 2005 AND B5 on top 10 worst!? You sir, are a fucking retard. You have no respect in my eyes as a SciFi lover. These lists are so worthless. XENA ISN'T SCIFI YOU FUCKING RETARD!
That is all, shit boat is leaveing port. There goes my Wifi
Just got done reading both lists. What a bunch of flamebait if I have ever seen any. He knows that Babylon 5 fans really get into the show and that the new BSG fans are likely the same. Good try at trolling for reactions.
HAHA listing 3 Startreks in a row. Priceless bait.
FARSCAPE was by far the worst out of any of these, and they kept making it worse as the series went on.
Yes it's your site your opinion, not disputing that. To say every episode of Babylon 5 sucked is just simply not true. Sure it had a vision instead of aimlessly throwing endless money and episodes out there *cough* Enterprise *cough*. The actors did what they should do, act, instead of the over-acting that is so easy to find in Hollywood. Granted Sinclair was a bit wooden but overall the series is excellent, in the top 5 at the least.
HOW DARE YOU bust on B5...blasphemy!
thanks for the link to the Mirror Mirror opening for Enterprise...must have happened after I lost interest...
first off sorry if this was mentioned but i didnt feel like reading every post...but i just wanted to mention that Charmed didnt ruin your presence smith song....that cover was originally done for the movie The Craft...it was even used in all the trailers for it....so yes if you hate the song nothing will change that and while i think Charmed sucked, i still wanted to defend it because it just did what any studio would
"that witch movie is using that song....our witch show should use it too, to get more viewers"
:)
Oh how I must disagree with you.
First of all, Babylon Five was a great show....well, at least the first four seasons. The hastily added fifth one sticks out like a sore thumb, but it still had its moments. B5 is just a great show and I'm sorry you don't lik it. It was beyond brilliant in every way.
Also, I have to disagree on the Enterprise theme. It so captured what the show should have been about...
"It's about time"--
http://www.tv.com/it-s-about-time/show/6357/summary.html
Cheesiest show ever, with astronauts meeting cave men, and then bringing them back to the 20th century.
Yo are people getting so pissed off? Because B5 got shit on? I'm presuming fans of that show must be adults, because it ended like 14 years ago or something, so seriously...what is the deal if one guy in all the internets doesn't like the damn thang?
Anyway...I think both Farscape openings rocked. Operatic alien chanting and gurgling is my musical genre of choice.
I happen to LIKE the Earth 2 opening, it really creeped me out when I was little (who knows).
I always skip the Firefly theme even though I think it's basically the best tv show ever made.
I live for the opening credits to BSG.
And since Xena is on this list (whose credits I also adored, and interesting stuff about Thracians and Bulgaria and junk, I thought they just made everything up on that show), why isn't BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER??!?!
Yo that shit was dope. Although I do prefer the mildly more down-tempo 1st and 2nd season versions, that show's opening credits sequence always rocked.
This is the worst top10 list I have seen in some time. BSG 2005 AND B5 on top 10 worst!? You sir, are a fucking retard. You have no respect in my eyes as a SciFi lover. These lists are so worthless. XENA ISN'T SCIFI YOU FUCKING RETARD!
This is what happens when you don't actually read the article. Asshat.
Totally Agreed. B5 was extremely lame. I seriously HATE B rated scifi crap. Anything with the actor from Enterprise, I immediatly turn it off and go outside.
-Clorox
Great, well-argued list. However, Jaime Sommers, sadly, did befriend Bigfoot in this big SMDM/BW crossover called "The Return of Bigfoot". Which kinda makes it worse. She had a cameo in the original Bigfoot story and but befriended him only in the sequel. Ugh. talk about jumping the shark.
And, Land of the Lost? C'mon, buddy. If you ever had to bust out the banjos, I can't think of a better-titled show to do it on. For kids, that was a great opening.
Tell ya what. I'll see your Land of the Lost and raise you a Blakes 7. What a horrible, horrible opening that was.
ok your Top 10 list is good but your top worst is plain BS. sheesh get a freaking brain damn!!! you are freaking clueless, you asshate hack.
G.I.N.O. crap theme, crap show!
"B5 fans are pathetic because, while they have 110 episodes comprising a complete story arc, every single episode sucks."
You're an idiot.
For all you connoisseurs of fine cheese, two words....Logan's Run.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGDO2g5K3pc
I shall take ALL your crappy sci-fi beginnings and see them to dust with the opening credits of "Sapphire and Steel"..a classic british sci-fi series from the 70's...it would kick ten types of crap out of the Enterprise beginning..honestly download ANY episode and see....
I found the Sapphire & Steel opening sequence on Youtube...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNbca1Stzms
or use the search option and search for "sapphire steel".
The title sequence starts about 30second into the clip!
maybe someone else pointed this out, but the Enterprise theme, with a more traditional score by Dennis McCarthy (or Jay Chattaway--I can't remember) can be found online. it's *so* much better... though the show still sucked.
Um, I just watched that "Sapphire and Steel" clip. And all I have say is, WTF?????
Nice to see a young, pre-op Patsy Stone, though.
About the "The Land of the Lost" opening?
The first two seasons are bad enough, but not so much for the bluegrass twang as the lyrics themselves:
"Marshall, Will and Holly, on a routine expedition..."
Considering their dad's name was Rick, this is the equivalent of saying, "Skywalker, Luke and Leia..." and makes absolutely no sense.
Now, the opening to season three - that makes the other seem like The Color Purple in comparison!
"...escape, escape, escape!"
IT DIDN'T EVEN RHYME!!!
http://www.landofthelost.com/theme.htm
Thank you for mentioning Charmed. Not only was it a crap show (poor storylines and the character depth of Sabrina the Teenage Witch), but they stuffed up "How Soon is Now?". On more than one occasion I heard teeny whippersnappers singing it in sci-fi stores, and I just knew they were singing about the "sun" and the "air". A nice moody, angry song turned into a theme tune. So wrong.
I just wanted to say, after all those people were dissing your opinion, that I reckon give you are right on the money. I loved your B5 write up... and I agree entirely, you are right about the programme and its fans, and you are right abour browncoats too (I am one, and I know i'm pathetic)!
and you are right abour browncoats too (I am one, and I know i'm pathetic)!
Let me just clarify, I'm a huge gorram Firefly fan (although I prefer "flan" to "Browncoat"). We're right to be so excited about a show that would have been so great.
What makes us pathetic is the "would have been." Fourteen episodes and a movie that was good, but it was no "Star Wars." Having conventions about a show that didn't make a season is pathetic.
I'm still gonna buy a cunning hat online and go as Jane for Halloween, though.
I agree the song to Enterprise is the worse ever. I really wanted to like the show, but I couldn't get beyond the music. I'm sorry Stargate SG1 wasn't mentioned. I love the opening music to that show. Also love the show and I'm not really a sci-fi fan.
Somebody actually WATCHES the opening?? Not me! I tape anything that I want to watch, that way I can skip the repetitive opening (few of them change, once you have seen it you never need to see it again, 'til next season) and zap the boring commercials. Taping also means I don't miss an episode if I have a meeting or I'm visiting a town that is missing a network (St Louis, at one time, didn't have UPN, which you wouldn't miss if you didn't like Enterprise but they didn't get to find out if they liked it or not; moot point now since UPN is gone like the only good show they ever had is (I'm not saying Enterprise is good, or bad, just that they had nothing else worth 2 nanoseconds of my time)). The best thing about taping them is I get to watch the 2 part season finale/season premiere in ONE sitting, without the 4 month break that some bozo keeps trying to force on us! (Of course I don't keep them after viewing, waste of tape, especially since we can get them without commercials and any OTA static within a year or 2, if we really want them permanently.)
What is said about BG can go for lots of shows. How often do you turn on a channel to watch a show and get a commercial/preview of the show you're about to watch? I'm already there dammit...I don't need highlights(spoilers) of what I'm about to watch! All I need to know is if it's a new show or a rerun...if it's a rerun I'll probably watch it, but won't be concerned about missing little bits. If it's a new episode I'll try to make a point of catching the whole thing!
Babylon 5? FUCK YOU!
B5 is one of the best series ever, bar none.
As for the new BSG?
IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!
G.I.N.O. crap theme, crap show!
Yes, the wooden acting and the incredibly cheesy plots of the original galactica are sure swell. And it uses cliches that stan lee wouldn't have used in the sixties! Up yours!
You left Farscape off the Worst Intro list. That whining whore screaming her way through the intro is enough to make your eyes bleed.
Whomever, in the comments, said "Red Dwarf's" opening was bad clearly didn't understand the show. It was MEANT to be that bad. The other stuff on the list was made by people who wanted the intro to get people to watch the show. They actually thought it was good.
You left Farscape off the Worst Intro list. That whining whore screaming her way through the intro is enough to make your eyes bleed.
That would be the original theme music? I thought the 3rd season intro was well done. MUCH MUCH BETTER!
5000 hits from http://voyeurweb.com/? What's up with that?
Gotta say BSG is fine and I have a handy link http://www.sexydesktop.co.uk/grace.htm
for those grace park fans out there.
The opening clip blasts don't annoy me as I don't watch them, in much the same way as I didn't watch the opening for space 1999 which I rate as truly one of the best and worst series produced.
The best features were the models which were originally designed for the next sereis of the classic UFO, which got screwed around and abandoned. American money rescued the model work and 1999 was born.
Unfortunately the american money also came with american control and what was an edgy, often dark and tense series "UFO" became another version of buck rodgers, just lurve the rope light power lines, with sets that wobbled when the actors brushed past or farted in their vicinity and some truly dreadful men in rubber suit and flashing light effects.
Gotta say though, Firefly was a breath of cool fresh air in the mire of Sci Fi.
Ps There was only one reason to watch Buck Rodgers when I first saw it and that was Wilma Deering aka Erin Gray. Oh Yes! Spandex had its uses. Gil Gerard was vieing with Bill Shatner for barrel belly of the airwaves and his acting made teak look articulate.
Blakes Seven was a gift to the model builder too as by careful scrutiny of the video on pause one could reproduce perfect studio model replicas even down to using the authentic cereal packets and washing up liquid containers - the identity of which could be gleaned due to the saving of money on paint.
Sorry, but I just got done going through your worst list, and while I agree with most of it, I can't believe you left off the opening for 'Small Wonder'. You mention it as the worst Sci-fi series of all time, and that is undoubtedly true, but it definately was the WORST intro that I watched on your list. I think you need to seriously reconsider this intro.
P.S. Right on about B5, I'm a huge Sci-fi fanand I tried to watch this, but it was mind-blowingly boring.
I've laughed so hard, I'm crying. We sci-fi fans are a funny, loyal lot.
If anyone is interested, I defend my B5 disdain here:
http://www.ggl.com/kunochan/2006/08/why-i-dislike-babylon-5.html
The "Small Wonder" opening does, indeed, suck. Note that I mentioned it, and linked to it. But it's not worse than, say, "Manimal."
How dare you diss babylon 5.
That was one of the best sci-fi shows ever created, with interestign characters and a gripping storyline. and the title sequences were good as well.
Well, if you'd, you know, READ:
http://www.ggl.com/kunochan/2006/08/why-i-dislike-babylon-5.html
How can Xena: Warrior Princess be one of the worst?! I adore the main titles--both song and the corresponding video (any and every shot of Lucy Lawless in the beautiful New Zealand scenery is just utterly breathtaking...) this is blasphemy to the x10 power. lol
And no, this is not bias. Okay, maybe just a tad bit...but still.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=929DA9E75BD3E715
=)
I pity you ! You know nothing about sci-fi. A few of your worst are actually some of the best. Please stop watching sci-fi or even mention it. Firefly the best one? I couldn't stand watching it for more than 5 minutes ! Go away !
George
Please stop watching sci-fi or even mention it. Firefly the best one? I couldn't stand watching it for more than 5 minutes ! Go away !
You were watching the one-minute long "Firefly" opening for more than five minutes?
Why do so many people post replies without reading the article? Why, oh God, why?
I guess it's just an insight into the Stupid-American community.
I agree with you on all of your 10 worst except Charmed. I love that show and I thought the intro was well done. Not the best, but certainly not deserving of being on the worst list.
B5 is one of the best series ever, bar none.
As for the new BSG?
Gregg easterbrook? Been a fucking moron long?
Enterprise is the best!!!! :)
I didnt feel like reading all your comments, but just so you know--Charmed people were not the ones to "ruin" your Smiths song How Soon is Now?
It happens to be a cover by Love Spit Love, who, unfortunately, cannot sing. And TATU made a cover of it also. And the Love Spit Love cover was featured on the movie The Craft before it was ever on Charmed. So it isn't the fault of the show....Charmed happens to be a good show.
Fool... Enterprise is one of my favorite shows (actualy #3 after Andromeda and Farscape)an the song is great it was in my mp3 player for a year!
There is no reason to explain why, you just dont know what a real sci-fi is...
I actually read both lists and I highly disagree with your judgment of B5. I liked the opening, but I guess could see why you didn't. The fact that it changed with the series as the story evolved was great, however. I have more to say about the show itself, but I'll put it in your post on the same (even though you exposited here about how terrible the show was).
it's a list of best/worst Scifi openings--he's not necessarily panning th show if it's in te worst list.
Read!
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